I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
