You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
