whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
