all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
