my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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