I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
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