I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
