Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
