I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
too bad you live with your parents still
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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