Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
