If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
