Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
