My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
