any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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