Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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