New invention idea: vibrating tampons
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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