Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
