So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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