Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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