no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
