i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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