the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize