Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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