she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
