I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
