I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Four minutes until I can fart!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The ass gains better be worth it
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