I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
