I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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