nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
