I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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