I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
