as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
