dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
And then my night got REAL pukey
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
