i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
