Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
