yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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