I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Randomize
