is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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