if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
