i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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