She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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