i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
