2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
