Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
