you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
