At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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