Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
