I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
