If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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