just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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