i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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