So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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