I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
