Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
