some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
