I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
