How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
