Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
