gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We have started to decorate penises.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
