I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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