all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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