I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
