While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
