Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
