GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
