Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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