No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
