I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
