I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
