Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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