It's Friday. Sex?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
